Dealing with Meltdowns

Written about a week ago.... 

I have never felt so overwhelmed like I do right now at this very moment.  Autism kicked my has today.!!!! 

There just was no way of explaining or fighting the meltdown that happened today! It was bad !!! I think today was the first time I have truly noticed that living with autism is never going to be an easy thing. It will be hard.... Hard work.  It will be overwhelming and it will be me handling it mostly on my own. It will also be very hard to explain to people that have no idea what Autism truly is or how it could be to live this way. I can say I am truly disappointed in myself for not taking the opportunity to explain autism at its most meltdown point today.  Instead I kept it all inside (I know horrible choice). That was the worst I could have done.  I didn't explain and I didn't in a way stand up for my child. I feel horrible and heart broken for that.  I feel like I let my son down. Why didn't I say this is "a meltdown" and please let him work it out on his own!! 

 I understand people who truly don't get autism because I have been there before we got Tyler's diagnosis. Not everyone understands how autism works and not everyone understands that a child with autism has a brain that works differently. They also think differently then a non-typical (normal) brain thinks. Sarcasm is non-existing and is not understood to a child with autism!!  It has to be taught to them and still misunderstood by them. As much as my child wanted to understand sarcasm today .... He didn't get it, He never will and it hurts his feelings. It's so hard as an outsider looking in to see what Tyler goes through,... The struggle is so hard for him.  I wish I could take it all away, but I can't.  I can only try my HARDEST to teach him how to live a life where he can try to understand the world he lives in. It's a world of hard times, struggles and times of not understanding, but as Tyler's mother ... I will ALWAYS be here for him and I will always try to help Tyler understand the outside world!!!! 

NEW YEAR ..... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

It has been a while since I have moved my fingers fast on a keyboard and blogged!  

Let's start by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! Heres to 2015! I always like to reflect on the last year that has passed. Last year was a huge eye opener for me in many ways. So many changes. Tyler had finally gotten his diagnosis and our lives changed. Even though we knew there was some kind of diagnosis for Tyler, we just didn't realize how much it would rock our world. the amount we have learned about our son in a year has been amazing. We truly understand Tyler now. I have learned the right ways to parent a child on the Autism Spectrum. who am I kidding.... I am still learning lol. I am so thankful for Behavioral Therapy! I learned that yes Tyler does think of things differently, he sees things differently and he also hears things differently. Being a mother of four boys~ 3 non-typical boys and one ASD child is hard to balance. Our whole family has gone through so much change and understanding, but also I know it can be frustrating for Tyler's brothers to go through. Behavioral Therapy helps Tyler to understand things. I also bring his brothers in for therapy from time to time so they can understand Tyler more also. In 2014 I have learned what family and friend support truly is. I thank my family for being there for us, having an open heart to accept, learn and understand Tyler. I have learned a lot about friendships and who is a true friend and who isn't. I know to some old friends (I say old because they are not around anymore) this was to much to understand or support me through. A sons Autism diagnosis really shows you who your real friends are and their true love and support. I thank those friends for being there for me. I know being a friend to a special needs mother is not easy. I know it can't be fun to hear me complain about the same things over and over. I know there are moments you probably don't want to hear about, like the fact Tyler tried something new to eat instead of a cheese burger lol, but these are the moments of my life. Autism and Tyler had consumed my life in 2014. I had to learn so much and get on track with my son. I also had to be a mother to my other boys and help them understand. It is an overwhelming thing to balance it all. So, I know my close friends have seen it all... they have seen me so proud I could scream about it from the roof tops "HE ATE CHICKEN!!!!" lol, then they have seen me cry to the point of feeling so defeated and then they have seen me angry to the point where I thank god for my conscience for stopping me from going "Autism Mama Bear" crazy on someone! It has been an emotional roller coaster and I am so blessed to have a couple of friends being there for me through it all! I do believe when a mother hears for the first time her son has Autism, she goes through a series of emotional acceptance and challenges. I went through it all last year. I am finally feeling like I have most of it under control. Don't get me wrong, I am still learning every day ~ there are good days and bad! I just accept my life now. I understand what my job is as a Autism Mom and a Non-Typical Mom. These are two different types of parenting and I have learned to balance them both. Thank god for my understanding husband. He has seen me at my best and worst. His support has been amazing and much needed. Knowing my husband will always be there and support me is what keeps me going. Love you babe! 
Our family has changed after this diagnosis, but we are an even stronger family now! As much as I learned from 2014, I am happy to see it end! I am looking forward to 2015.  

Most important video to me!

I seen this video and it really touched my heart. It is truly the stages of what you go through when your child is diagnosed. Also how you deal with it. It helped me realize that its ok to go through all the feelings I have and still do go through. Also knowing that I am not the only one out there going through this. There are other mothers/fathers out there that have children like my son, Tyler. I think it is important to try and reach out to parents that are experiencing the same things you are. They understand more then anything. It helps to know you are not alone and to truly know someone that understands you and your journey you are on. 

I watch this video when I am feeling over whelmed, lost, confused and ALONE!

It helps to hear it from someone else that you are NOT alone! 

School has Started!

A week or two before the first day of school....
This is when all of Tyler's anxiety, stress, stomach issues and fear start up again. He was so worried about school. He tells me he hates his school and how no one cares about him there. That breaks my heart. As you have read in the past blog posts, we have been trying to get Tyler an IEP with his school. I am sad to report that it has been so hard to do this. They actually put it off so much last year that it wasn't completed and we had to wait to finish it in the new school year. This was very upsetting for us. We were wanting everything to be done last year so we could have the summer preparing Tyler for the changes in the upcoming school year. Now he has returned to basically the same thing as last year. It doesn't help his anxiety and change his hate for this school. So, the morning anxiety before school has started, I am back to having barf bags in the car for him to throw up in on the way to school, he cries sometimes, begs me not to go, Tells me he has no friends, we have to go over all the safety features the school has so he understands a stranger will NOT come in the school and harm him or the kids, I have to explain to him his teacher is on his side and how we are trying our hardest to make changes to the way he learns and attends school. All that I just explained is something we go through every morning before school. Then there are days he will throw up in school and I have to pick him up. OR he will just be to overwhelmed, stop working, stop paying attention and shut down. Shutting down for Tyler is going non verbal, no eye contact, no participation and just puts his head down for the rest of the day. We have finally had the IEP meeting. It was the longest four hours of my life! We had to hire a child advocate to help us in this meeting and for future meetings. I can say she is an amazing advocate. If there is any parent out there that needs an advocate for the Miami, Broward or West Palm Beach area in South FL please contact me and I will share her information. I don't know where we would be without her!During the IEP meeting we did make some changes and he is getting some help from the ESE teacher, Speech Therapist and a Counselor. They did not do all the evaluations the doctor and I requested. We had to go back for another meeting last week to fight for them to do those evaluations. It has been a roller coaster ride with this school and fighting for Tyler to receive what he deserves for his education. It is very upsetting to go through this process in this way. I am happy they started to help him and I look forward to him getting the full amount of help he should get in school. I will fight for that until he receives it all! 
As of now he still has anxiety and gets upset to go to school. He does enjoy going to the ESE teachers room. He tells me she is very nice and not a lot of kids are in that classroom. I just want my son to be happy and enjoy learning. He deserves that as much as any other child or non-autistic child going to school. My heart goes out to all the special needs parents out there that struggle with this school system to get the education their child deserves. 

No child should fall through the cracks or be ignored!

Summer Time.... is the Best Time!

It has been a long 3 1/2 months since I have sat down and took the time to type out what has happened in our crazy wonderful chaotic world!  

Starting with summer time. 

Summer time is a wonderful time in our house. It is the time to sleep in, relax, no school, play video games, play outside, go to the pool, no school, stay up late, vacation time.... did I say NO SCHOOL ? Yes with all the fun we do in the summer time the only thing that truly means so much to Tyler is ~ NO SCHOOL ! It is amazing how much he changes when its summer break. He is more relaxed, he actually has a smile on his face and enjoys his day. I don't see a lot of anxiety, stress or fear. The best thing is there are very few meltdowns. He is just a happy boy playing with his brothers and having fun with no worries. I love seeing him that way. We really enjoyed our summer. We still continued his therapy visits with the psychologist and behavioral therapist. He seems to be learning a lot in behavioral therapy. He has some visits where he really participates and other visits he does not. The therapist is really good at working with him, understanding how far to push him and when to give him space. I like being there also because she does teach me a lot of parenting techniques and ways to change the mistakes I make parenting a child with Autism. It is not an easy thing to do and there is a lot to learn. I feel more confident as a mother now that we have been seeing this therapist. She has also noticed the change in him during summer.  

In July we went to SC for my son Brandon's baseball tournament. It took us a month of therapy visits to get Tyler prepared for this trip. She helped him understand he has to go, why he has to go, what we are going for, what he will do there and see there, who will be with us, how we driving there and more. We had to go through the trip for him. Visually showing him pictures and a map that way he could feel as comfortable possible leaving is safe place. He still had anxiety, he still had meltdowns, he still would fight us on almost everything, but then he also had good days/moments too. We know change is very hard for him. This trip was a huge challenge for Tyler. Thankfully I had my parents come to SC and they helped us a lot with Tyler. He didn't have to go everywhere we went because he was able to stay back at the condo with Grandma. That was a huge help. After our return from SC it was almost time for the the new school year to start.  

And so it ALL begins again.....  

Autism Tattoo

This journey has been something that has touched and changed our family in so many ways, BUT for me it has been an emotional journey. As a parent to a child with Autism, you have to change the way you parent this child. That way they understand you and you understand them. It has been a learning experience for me through Tyler's behavioral therapy. It has also been parenting therapy for me. I have to change the way I approach things, how we discipline, how we praise him for doing good and how we carry a conversation with him because he doesn't understand everything the way we do. It's even harder when you have other children in the house that do not have Autism. Everyday I learn something and I am more confident as I go through our journey.  

Getting a tattoo for me is a emotional experience. I get tattoos that have a meaning to me and this means so much. 

Happy Mothers Day! 2014

I had a wonderful Mother's Day. We went to Universal Studios in Orlando. We had to prepare Tyler a head of time and try to make him as comfortable as we could about going. He had a few meltdowns and panicked moments. We decided to go to guest services before we went into the park. We explained to them that we have a child that has Autism. We had his diagnosis from the doctor on paper, but they said they didn't need it. They gave us an Attraction Assistance Pass. It was a big help. - 
If the wait time for a ride is under 30 minutes they let you go through the express lane. If the wait time for the ride is more then 30 minuets they give you a time on your pass to return. That way Tyler is not waiting in line and his anxiety stays low. It worked out perfect. We tried to get him to ride each ride, but he was very nervous and panic was setting in. My husband and I took turns sitting with him when the other boys went on the rides. His brothers, Brandon and Sean, had a blast! It was fun to enjoy the day with all of them and have fun. Tyler did ride one ride!!!! That was a huge step for him and I was so proud. It was a hard day for him being in such a crowded place with so many sounds and everything going on. I know it was a sensory over load for him. I am truly proud of him for trying as much as he did. :)