Parenting is always a hard thing to do and the most rewarding. I love all my boys. I was put on this earth to be a mother to them. As we learn more and more about Aspergers Syndrome (high functioning Autism), we are now understanding that we have to change the way we are as parents to Tyler. We have to change the way we understand him, give him more time to figure things out and discipline him differently. This has been a difficult task for me. I have been a mother for so many years and I am set in my ways of parenting. Then I have doctors telling me I have to change the way I do things with Tyler. This is the hardest thing. In some ways I was feeling like "a bad mom". What was I doing wrong? Are you telling me I am not a good enough parent? It was a difficult thing to get my head around and understand.
I have three other boys that have been fine with the way we do things and they respond well to our discipline. Most of the time its taking video games away, iPod, TV, computer etc. Now a days all kids are hooked on electronics and if you take one of those away... they become well behaved children all of a sudden. When they were younger we also did time out. It worked for my three boys, but not for Tyler. Now looking back that was always a long process with him. He would be put in time out for a few minutes, then I would ask if he was ready to apologize for his misbehavior. Most children would be upset and say sorry, but Tyler would say no and tell me to set the timer again. This would go on for over an hour sometimes. At the time I just thought I have the worlds most stubborn child on my hands! I see now it was the Aspergers side of Tyler. He couldn't fully understand what was going on and he was perfectly content to sit there in time out. Discipline has always been a challenge with Tyler. I can admit I would argue a lot with him. Here I am a grown mother arguing with a child over him misbehaving. It was frustrating and sometimes embarrassing. The behavioral therapist says to be more patient and give him time to process exactly what we want from him at that moment. I have tried this and it does work. Most of the time he calmly comes around and does follow what we want of him. It is time consuming and hard to get use to doing, but it works. It is better then arguing and both of us being stressed out, then having a bad day.
Aspergers children do not show much affection or understand the reason to do so. If Tyler hugs us good night, most of the time its because we have told him to say good night to us. I always get a hug and Dad usually gets a "bro fist" :). I cherish these moments. There are times he will hug me on his own, but it is very rare and I know to cherish the affection he chooses to share at that moment.
Any parent wants the best for their child. We want them to be successful and to fulfill their dreams. This world we live in is hard on a regular basis, but then to have it be more of a challenge for Tyler because of his diagnosis' is hard to face. I want to be the best parent I can for him, to help him become an amazing adult. He is a very smart child. I know we have years ahead of us that will be hard and challenging, but I will try my hardest to parent him in the proper way. I am so thankful for the behavioral therapist and all the doctors we have helping us. This is the first time we truly feel like he is getting the help he needs.
No comments:
Post a Comment